Monday, January 15, 2007

Felonious Dipshit

Yes, Koral Karsan, that's your new name: Felonious Dipshit. I'll only mention your old name once so that in your obsessive search for fame and fortune, you might come across my humble blog to learn of your new identity. Let's go over some items from your blackmail letter that contribute to your earning your new name:

  • You outright blackmailed Yoko Ono in writing. That's a level of stupidity that I'm just in awe of. Your parents would smack the shit out of you for that one. You actually thought that trying to shake someone down in writing would have no consequences whatsoever. Do you know why you thought that? Because you're Felonious Dipshit.
  • You state that your family life has suffered:
    This is solely due to your excessive demands on my time, demanding my companionship for over 15 hours daily, seven days a week for the last six years.
    You know, I remember having a job a number of years ago that I thought was a right shithole. Know what I did? I left after six weeks. With all the horror you were experiencing at your job, you're telling me that you couldn't get your shit together to find another line of work in over six years. Do you know why you couldn't? Because you're Felonious Dipshit.
  • While stating that you had been victimized and "stripped from any kind of dignity and self respect," you have the necessary self-respect and confidence to extort:
    Such a trial, regardless of if I win or lose, will provide me with a significant amount of publicity that I will use to promote a number of books that will portray You, Sean and John. These books will be written using information obtained from ten years of listening to you as well as pictures taken with hidden cameras and literally thousands of hours of recordings I have been compiling since 1996. Within these tapes, there are recordings such as the ones below that will quite frankly, astound the world.
    For someone without dignity or self-respect, you seem pretty resourceful in the hidden coverage department. Do you get off on installing cameras in toilets too? Or perhaps, you enjoy installing secret cameras to enjoy horticulture in upstate New York. Granted, that's unsubstantiated, but who knows? At least now we get the nitty-gritty. You must've watched a lot of Honeymooners episodes to come up with this Kramden-esque quick money scheme. Maybe we can get the dude from upstate to tell us if this is how you operate. Do you also have a spare neck brace in the trunk for those "car accidents?" I bet you do. Do you know why? Because you're Felonious Dipshit.
At the end of the day, Dipshit, there are no sordid details of anything that you could write that anyone would be surprised or give a shit about. It's not about what Yoko did or didn't do. John & Yoko are bigger than all of us, and John's music will still be around, long after the maggots have finished the all-you-can-eat buffet on your rotting corpse. Once the jury reads that you, in your own words, have been secretly recording conversation for years for the sole purpose of blackmail, do you think that will help your case? I don't think it will. Do you know why?

Because you're Felonious Dipshit.


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